Michelle Sweezey and Jamee Villa are two moms with great kids and big opinions. They love oversharing and making a point, even if that means they disagree. This article kicks off the new Monthly Yay or Nay series on topics from kids to the grid, where the ladies promise to keep it real (unfiltered, funny, and fair). Follow along and join the discussion!
Is this really still a question? Of course essential oils work. Duh. How do you think I cured my kids’ last cold, my Christmas flu, my husband’s upset stomach, and my bosses’ body aches. Oils. That’s how. Essential oils.
Stop rolling your eyes at me, it’s rude, and you look funny. So there. I’m going to spare you the really long ‘Born Again Yoga Teacher’ Eastern Medicine spiel and break it down in the simplest way I know how— with facts* and jokes. Ready? Okay, here goes:
Everything is energy. Everything, everything. Thoughts, actions, words. The screen you are staring at now? Also energy. Remember E=Mc2? Yeah. Mmhmm. Energy.
Your spine carries energy, as do your cells. In fact, cancer is at its simplest definition — cellular change — which, if you follow along this cosmic train of thought, is a result of a shift in energetic quality.
You aren’t paying attention anymore. You’re asleep, or you moved on to a more interesting article. Wake up. Stay with me here. Jokes and reasons to disagree with me are coming. Promise.
Your skin is your largest organ, and everything you put on it, and I mean EVERYTHING, affects your cells, and thus… you know, like, your energy. The other places you absorb shit into your body, are through your orifices. Yes, those holes in your body where you… um, eat, and breathe and stuff. Those are also direct channels to your bloodstream, which affect your… cells and energy.
This really cool dude, the one who had that fortunate apple incident, outlined some physics laws, one of which is that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Yes, you are getting all the science lessons today. You can help your fifth grader with her homework now. Congrats.
When you put something in your body, it causes an energetic reaction. You’re directing and moving energy, which is like, kind of a big deal. Essential oils are made for your skin, or to go in aforementioned orifices. Thus, they go directly to your cells and affect your. . . (everybody say it together)- ENERGY.
To heal, your body needs energy. Shocker at this point, I know. But, you can either manufacture that energy from pharmaceutical products (which, p.s., are made from plant products on at least some level), or, you can eat real food, take care of your spine and immune system, and. . . use essential oils.
This is not a new idea. This is not even a recent idea. This is like, B.C. business. Shit, I bet even Socrates threw a little Eucalyptus oil in his bath when his sinuses were congested. Know why it’s been around so long?
Pharmaceuticals do the work for you. Oils help your body do its own work.
Yes, the former is “easier” in the short term, and it might even look cheaper too. Know what? Cheap is expensive people. Want to keep getting sick? Keep popping pills to fix your problems.
Last one. I promise.
Energy. Energy. Energy. Oils. Oils. Oils.
*Michelle is not a doctor. These are not facts in the sense of scientific review of the literature, but more in the sense of things Michelle, the non-doctor-know-it-all, has spent a lot of time reading about, researching, and trying out, and that have at least a 99% googable truth to them. Because everyone knows the internet doesn’t lie, Bob Dole said so.
You can all stop inviting me to your Essential Oil parties. I’m not going. Like, ever.
If I understand this correctly, if I buy a special $199 pack of essential oils, place them on my body, my child’s body and all over my home, we’ll all be happy and stress free? Oh, we’ll also never get sick? Is that what you are trying to sell me? Wait, was that a pig I just saw fly by? I must’ve missed that scientific breakthrough as well. (Insert sheep sound here… Baaaaaaa…)
Call me old fashioned, but if we get sick, we rest, drink water, and get the hell over it. I highly doubt that your $200 diffuser blasting magical air at night is going to save me a few sick days.
I take the natural approach to most things. It is the way I was raised. My stepmom is a hippy and even her granola-eating self can’t get behind the oil movement.
Have you heard their claims of curing or slowing cancer? If you even remotely think that is a possibility, well let’s just not be friends. I know a few people battling cancer right now that would bathe in them daily if there was even a hint of truth to this.
Now, before you go out and preach your love of oils to the world, can you even tell me what “100% certified therapeutic grade” means? Ready…go!
Just because some branding guru hails it as “natural,” that doesn’t make it safe all the time and in every case. Big props to their marketing team!
Does anyone remember Metabolife? Herbalife? Body by Vi? Exactly. It’s a fad. It’s hot and then it’s not.
We all want what’s best for our family, but not at the expense of these anti-pharm companies setting up pyramid schemes in every city. It makes us look like sheep and incredibly gullible. My vote is a big fat, NO.